notes of a non-combatant

iced tea

She asked all of the hard questions, her soft, even voice respectfully inquiring on all subjects. The restaurant was nearly empty when we arrived for lunch, but it was packed with the dinnertime rush when we finally realized the time and ended our four-hour conversation. We sat at the table the entire time, discussing politics, ethics, morals, actions, history, statements, affiliations, and opinions. She didn’t lay down any pretenses, did not go on about untruths that she knows to be true, and did not make heavy-handed judgments. Our conversation was simple and civil, and it was just what I needed.

Throughout the years, many rifts have grown between us. In regular times, we get along on some days and we disagree on others. Emotions and tempers occasionally flare, and at other times, they don’t. In my most dire of moments, however, my stepmother has always managed to come through. Always. We have our disagreements on irrelevant matters and bicker over slightly meaningful topics. When a situation begins teetering on the verge of serious or even dangerous, she does what many others fail to do by eliminating emotions and removing tempers. She sees the forest from the trees, locates an end result, and makes haste forging a proper path towards it.

In a fragile state of mind, I become a duality. It would be easy to talk or laugh about a million topics that slowly distract me from what really weighs on my mind. Approaching that one fragile topic in a respectful and open-minded manner would go leaps and bounds towards aiding me in overcoming the serious issues that burden me. However, most people do not know how to approach sensitive topics respectfully and with an open mind, simply because most people approach these topics with themselves, their history, their opinions, and their logic.

In open discussions on fragile topics, it is an egregious error to attempt to apply one’s own opinion and logic to someone else’s ordeal, stating what you think is right, what you think should happen, what you think is atrocious, and who you think is at fault. Without identical experiences as everybody else, key information or thought may be missing from those one-sided statements and they may only end up flying in the face of the extremely fragile topic at hand. That is how walls go up. My stepmother often is quick to say what is on her mind, but is known to withhold her opinions when necessary. Times like these, when she sits at a table, sipping on a tall glass of iced tea, she is a recipe for respect, care, and progress. One part support, three parts inquisition, one part respect, two parts direction, and a handful of civility. That is how walls fall down.

She asked a lot of hard questions, mostly just to understand what I had experienced and what I am going to do with everything that I have learned. She brought past errors to my attention, pointing out things that I have said or done, inside jokes that have been taken out of context and misinterpreted, and people that I have alienated. I set the record straight with her, clearing these issues and taking the time to learn exactly what I have done, as well as the repercussions of what I have said or written. I took these lessons with me in hopes of clearing up misconceptions among those whom mean the most to me.

Unlike the average person that I will meet, who will be absolutely intrigued as to the details of my overseas experiences so long as there is still a pint of beer in their glass, my stepmother asked questions expecting full answers. She did not attempt to sum my allegiances or perspectives into one- or two-word labels. She did not water anything down.

She asked what I think about Israel, and I answered. As a state, it is extremely flawed. In fact, the premise it is built on is shaky at best, according to international law. It seems like a fluke borne of World War II that Israel even exists, and as some have said, it probably never would have been created, were it not for the Holocaust. Regardless of these things, which are extremely pertinent to modern political discussions among Palestine, the disproportionate collective punishment and massive amounts of human rights violations that Israel creates and condones are downright atrocious.

Caught in the middle of it all are Israelis, all of whom must serve in a two- or three-year social norms class that is the the Israeli Defense Forces, in which they may or may not be instructed to commit war crimes against Palestinians, creating a situation that one can only look back upon and proclaim “oops.” Israel, however, does not allow it to end there, with so many Israelis being led into military conflicts that only endanger their national security by breeding destruction, poverty, resentment, hatred, and terrorism among those whom Israel claims to be fighting terrorism among. It’s a circular claim that only furthers a cycle of violence, which time and time again has the entire world saying “oops, they did it again.” There’s a reason Israel was borne out of war, and has had numerous conflicts, massacres, and all-out wars throughout every decade since its creation.

And then she asked what I think about Palestine, and I responded. As a nation, they are a wonderful people. Free from globalism, Palestine is a land rampant with education, culture, local style, tradition, and flavor. As a peoples, they have been caught in the middle of wars pushed upon them by foreign nations, domestic extremists, and general discontent borne of aforementioned problems. Politically, the ruling Fatah government is just as corrupt as all the rest, with purchased politicians supported by taut marionette strings, dancing solely to the tune of foreign interests while stomping on their own constituency. Rival political parties like Hamas have sprung up in opposition to the pattern of concessions given to Israel, and though they have won the hearts and minds of Palestine, Hamas is still an authoritarian gang of thugs enforcing their law with excessive physical force and religious indoctrination. Despite the intimidating persona that resulted in Hamas being branded a “terrorist organization” by major world powers, they are a legitimately elected government that actually has the crucial position of being able to fight terrorism in their own neighborhoods.

Extremist groups are not fought with missiles and bombs sent from invading nations. Terrorism is fought by achieving a democratic and diplomatic state based on the foundations that already exist locally. Bombs break those same foundations, sending the populous to their knees, scrambling for assault rifles, bullets, mortars, and rockets. On the other hand, diplomacy builds on those foundations and puts roofs over everybody’s head and food in everybody’s mouth, letting those weapons collect dust in basements and closets. Diplomacy, however, begins with the invading or occupying force, that which has the upper hand and the louder word.

And so with questions asked and answers given, the air became clear. She continued to savor her iced tea while I sipped from a glass of water, and all of our misconceptions simply fell to the wayside.