notes of a non-combatant

departure; part 2, myself

It is never difficult to arrive someplace, no matter where it is or what is happening there. With a forceful determination, anybody can push themselves to put one foot in front of the other, stepping into new countries, cultures, landscapes, or conflicts. Leaving is an entirely different story, since the future being chased is overshadowed by a rich past that must be left behind. No matter how large my goals are or how exciting the future will be, it is hard to hold these things paramount to the fact that I just had to turn my back towards a place that I have come to call home. It is my time to leave.

The final moments consist of twirling through and scouring every place in the house, seeing if there is a person whom I haven’t had final words with, an item that I may be forgetting to bring, or a task that I left incomplete in my haste. These moments represent more to me than I can even grasp at the time, as they are not just a frantic rush perforated with a series of sincere and bittersweet goodbyes. Those last few minutes, marked with the sound of the taxi idling outside the door, are the culmination of my time spent building friendships, forging bonds, and sharing in both wonderful and extremely difficult times. The hugs and waves are mixed with uncertainty as we wonder when we will meet again and under what circumstances. Perhaps it will be little more than three weeks until I can re-enter the country and will be back as though I had never even left. It may just be that a border guard will deny me entry, forbidding me to return past regional borders for an entire decade. The future is uncertain, hinging on the whims of military police and border guards, their stern looks and passport stamps to determine my future as I set off on yet another new and exciting journey.

I will miss the Jerusalem markets, especially the Damascus Gate souq.

And the Beit Lahm skyline from Manger Street.

But most of all, I'll miss my wonderful friends and the time we had together!